HOW TO STOP BEING A MOM THAT YELLS

I have been down the road of constantly yelling to get my voice heard and exercise my authority as a parent but i realised it doesn't yield much or positive results rather it led to my son being more aggressive, expressing himself less and withdrawing from me. As a parent, I feel terrible afterwards, having headaches and stressed after a yelling episode. To counteract these negative effects, I had to make a U turn to change my approach and parenting style.
   So do you find yourself shouting or yelling at the top of your voice just to get your kids to listen to you?  Do you loose your cool and flip out on your kids for every mistake they make that annoys you? Would you like to stop this cycle of yelling, get your kids to listen to you without yelling? You might reason that dealing with kids and getting them to listen to you can be frustrating(i agree with you). Parenting is hard no doubt but we can make little adjustments here and there in our parenting techniques  just as i did to make it easier. Based on my research. This is how we can approach it together.


CALM DOWN:The minute your child annoys you, your frame of mind might not be clear enough for you to evaluate the circumstances that led to the act of offending/annoying you. So I advice, calm down!you might wonder how can you possibly do this, well it's easy-shut your eyes(so you loose sight immediately of the act that is provoking you) and take a deep breath in and breath out (repeatedly till you feel calmer). Count to 10 or whatever number that brings your anger down. If these does not work, then simply leave the scene briefly till you feel calmer and come back to assess the situation.

EVALUATE THE SITUATION: When you feel calm enough, then you can assess or evaluate what led to your child provoking you. This you can do by asking what led to the action.Your questioning will reveal if the act was intentional or not (this assessment will help you decide your next course of action)and also give him an opportunity to express himself.Most times, our kids don't go out of their way to offend us rather most situations where they offend us are 95%(i could be wrong)unintentional. Your questioning with a calm but firm tone would motivate your child to give you the right answers you need. He wouldn't be so scared such that he lies or keep quiet (which can further trigger your anger) rather sensing your calm, he might be remorseful enough to either explain himself clearly and truthfully or outrightly aplolgise. Your evaluation would ultimately reveal you don't really need to yell.

COMMUNICATE: At this point, it is important to open a two way communication line between you and your child. I say "two way"so you both can express yourself and how you feel. This interaction will give you an opportunity as a mother to express how the act makes you feel and in return, your child seeing how hurt you feel will express how sorry he  is. 

REST MAMA REST:In between multitasking, juggling a million and 1 things (life of a mother) there's little or no time 
rest but the truth is you can and you need to rest. Stress triggers anger and low tolerance levels, this in turn will make you snap at the slightest offence. When you are too exhausted and stressed, your brain can't process the above highlighted steps at the appriopriate time. Taking time to rest makes you feel happier and loving. Read my post on 7 proven and tested ways to destress as a stressed mom If you find It challenging to get some rest.

THINK OF THE EFFECTS: Do you know that constant yelling at your kids can result in a long term to low self esteem, aggressive behaviour, timidity, fear and concentration problems. The next time you think of yelling, remember this.

Realistically speaking, it would be hard not to yell given that being a mum is stressful due to the constant emotional and physical demands. However, If you do shout;

1.don't beat yourself up, remember making a transition is not a one day affair. It takes consistent and determined effort to make a complete change.

2.Explain and apologise

3.If you do shout, avoid using words that label your kids negatively Or that are harmful.


Like i always say, I'm not a perfect mom because i'm human, still a work in progress. I have my moments but i love being a mom and seeing my kids thrive under my loving care, so i each day I make little changes here and there to make my parenting journey as comfy as possible. So if you like my ideas and strategies , please share and drop your comments on what progress you've made or if you find this helpful